I watched Tatum O'Neal on Oprah today and felt a profound sadness for the child who seemed to have everything but truly had nothing that mattered. She's promoting her autobiography titled "A Paper Life," which reveals the abuse she suffered from neglectful parents, a drug-crazed Hollywood, and irresponsible adults. With no role models teaching her how to grow into a healthy adult, Tatum made one wrong choice after another in her desperate search for the simplest things - to be loved, nurtured, adored and cherished for who she was.
Of course, I remember when the news hit of her marriage to John McEnroe. Even I, someone on the sidelines, could've told her that she was walking into an abusive marriage. McEnroe was notorious for his bad temper, bad manners, bad sportsmanship, bad attitude, and all-around spoiled personality along with an incurable case of control freakitis to top it all off.
I don't care how good a tennis player he was in his heyday. McEnroe was a bad boy who gave Americans and tennis an even worse name. Sure, Jimmy Connors had a devilish rep, but the tantrums displayed by the histrionic McEnroe are historic. Yet I digress... I can only imagine what poor Tatum had to endure behind closed doors.
McEnroe is a textbook verbal abuser. And from what Tatum talked about on Oprah, it appears that John-Boy stripped away whatever self-esteem still lingered with his wife. I do not doubt for one minute that Tatum's account of her childhood and marriage is honest and accurate. It seemed as though Oprah was implying that Tatum wrote this book to be vindictive or made it up for attention. I did not get that impression at all. I wanted to reach through the television and give Tatum a big hug and say, "It's okay. You're okay."
What was especially annoying was Oprah's insistence that Tatum somehow "make peace" with her father. It seemed to be Oprah's agenda that Tatum should "forgive" her father. Yet I seem to recall Oprah, on one of her shows about child abuse, mentioning that to this day she will not be in the same room with her abusers.
I, as someone who was abused as a child (verbally, emotionally and physically - but thankfully, not sexually - as far as my memory goes), happily divorced my abusive mother four years ago and have no desire for reconciliation, and see no need for "forgiveness." I completely understand Tatum's need to protect herself and stay away from people who have been hurtful toward her and continue to this day to minimize her hurt.
It was amusing when queried about Farrah Fawcett... Tatum tried to be tactful and really didn't want to be pushed into an answer. She tried sidestepping the question and gave an unfinished sentence as an answer, trailing off with an ellipsis, letting the viewer finish the thought. But you know Oprah. Gotta get that sound bite. Finally Tatum leaned in and whispered to Oprah (intending for it to be off mic). Rather than respecting Tatum's uncomfortableness, Oprah decided to say Tatum's response out loud, in full voice!
"Oh, you don't know what planet Farrah is on." This elicited laughter from the audience, and you could see Tatum maintaining her dignity.
What is it with the country's deification of Oprah? Don't they see that each show is one big commercial? Her "gift giving" is really sponsored by large corporations spending huge advertising dollars for their products to be mentioned on the air. She gets tens of millions of dollars every time she endorses a company or product on her show. Ah, but that's fodder for another blog on another day.
Anyway, Tatum - wherever you are... if word gets back to you about this blog... I want you to know that I embrace your bravery and would be proud to call you my friend. If you ever want to get together with a "normal" person who is not impressed with Hollywood hype, do get in touch with me, and let's have some iced tea and a salad...
Bravo for speaking the truth in your book! Maybe now that you've opened the wounds to let the dis-ease drain, you are finally free to live your life. The pen truly is mightier than the sword. Think of the rest of your life as a new chapter yet to be written.
