Girth Brooks' Body Language Said "I Don't"

Trisha Yearwood and Garth Brooks did their first TV appearance as a married couple on Oprah the other day. It's his second marriage, and her third.

During the interview, Brooks revealed that he and his daughters have a bedtime confessional ritual called "The Honesty Club." They turn out all the lights, light a candle, and make a vow that "whatever's said in the club, stays in the club.'' I guess it's Nashville's answer to Vegas. Oh wait, that's Branson.

For now, he's allegedly retired from the music business until his youngest reaches the age of 18. Of course, Celine, Cher, Barbra and others have manipulated the gullible public by staging supposed farewell concerts, only to enjoy the hype of comebacks a few years later. So I'm sure Garth is not permanently out to pasture.

Speaking of cows, although I shouldn't criticize out-of-shape people since menopause temporarily supersized me, it does seem that Garth's girth has expanded since being with his zaftig new spouse. Hey Kirstie Alley, when you're done losing those last pounds, give Jenny's number to Garth and Trisha. Maybe they can get a 2-for-1 discount.

Anyway, as an analyst of human behavior, dissector of subtextual between-the-lines interpretation and all things unsaid, I'll tell you what struck me more than anything in this televised celebration of love and marriage on Oprah ... body language.

Garth was far from laid-back, or should I say he was far from Trisha, sitting on the edge of the couch in an awkward sideways position. At one point, Trisha slid her hand towards him on the couch, and instead of taking it, he pulled his further away. The gesture was unmistakable. Whether it was subconscious or not, it spoke volumes.

The entire interview seemed strained. Forced. Awkward. Unnatural. Uncomfortable. Not unlike this paragraph. As if they had something to prove (or disprove). Trisha rarely smiled. Garth kept his distance. For all their efforts to appear as a happy couple, their bodies spoke another language. I'm guessing that when he and Trisha got home from Oprah, there was some honesty goin' on in the club that night.

Garth's apparent lack of enthusiasm about his recent nuptials was quite the antithesis to Tom Cruise's historic couch incident. Oprah wisely asked Garth if his love for Trisha somehow invalidated his marriage to Sandy. She used Tom Cruise as the example, because Tom was once head over heels for Nicole Kidman. And then it was Penelope Cruz (who is now with Matthew McConaughey). And now he's marrying Katie Holmes out of wedlock.

Or you could use the example of Brad Pitt who cheated on gentle Jennifer Aniston for Mia Farrow wannabe Angelina Jolie who once loved her alleged wife-beating husband Billy Bob Thornton so much that she had his name tattooed on a body part.

Or Julia Roberts who cancelled her wedding (three days before it) to Kiefer Sutherland, temporarily ran off to England with Jason Patric, then married Lyle Lovett (huh?), and now has had twins with hubby cameraman Danny Moder.

Or Renee Zellweger who was married for about two seconds to Kenny Chesney, after supposedly being madly in love with Jim Carrey, who had been devastated by his divorce from Lauren Holly.

Here's a strange one. How about Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis swapping partners with couple Renny Harlin and Laura Dern? Jeff next dated Laura, and I believe Geena married Renny for a few years.

Dizzy yet?

Certainly it seems that movie stars and music icons switch partners every year, having their own penguin-like march. When Garth kidded that in two years he might be back on the show eating his words, one wondered if he was only half-joking.

For all the fuss and spin about their "I do's," Garth's body language seemed to say "I don't know." But that's okay. What is love in show business anyway, but a match made in P.R. heaven?